Yesterday besides the soup incident I wasn’t hungry at all. But I forced myself to eat. I chomped on some sunflower seeds which were no issue at all nor was the vanilla yogurt but when I tried to eat some lettuce with dressing, that wasn’t the smoothest going down the chute. Later on in the evening I was craving cheese of all things.
So my “Old Amy” ways went and snatched up three slices of sharp cheddar and promptly started to eat it in bits and yowzers … the soft edges of the cheese felt like spikes going down. Another lesson learned.
Remember me eating the chips? Yeah, well I came up with how it felt going down my pie hole … felt like shards of glass. Yet, I’ve never swallowed actual glass particles before. But that was what I had visualized the feeling I was actually swallowing the chips. Yuck.
I slept well last night after rearranging my bedroom for like the 5th time since moving in this past May. And again this AM I wasn’t hungry. But it was nearing lunchtime and knowing I have to go to my part-time gig today at 1600 … I popped in a Hormel Compleats (beef tips and mashed potatoes with gravy). I even “thought” I’d butter up a piece of non-toasted wheat bread to dip in the gravy.
Why haven’t I learned anything in almost four months????
It’s now been way past the allotted 20 minutes that I should have eaten my meal and I still have over half in my plastic oval bowl of the tips and tators. And only a fourth of the bread is consumed. Ugh.
I pulverized the hell out of the beef tips and it still didn’t go down well. The potatoes are going down clunky … yes, clunky. And forget about the bread dipped in gravy.
Remember in the beginning of all of this journey when I loaded up on Hormel Compleats like it was nobody’s business??? And the 10 ounces was enough?
Again, no restrictions back then. Huge restrictions today.
I have never been physically stabbed in my back either but after swallowing a forkful of potatoes, the intense feeling of being stabbed in-between my shoulders is quite strong. I’ve been having this pain since I got my 8.5cc’s put in on September 27th. Yes, I’m still eating my Hormel Compleats as I am typing this post. And it’s all cold. I still have a cup of blueberries, vanilla whey protein mix and vanilla yogurt with 1% milk smoothie to drink too.
I am not complaining about any of this but I wanted to tell you, the reader, in detail, how it all feels and what it is like to finally have restriction. And how much you really have to pulverize your food intake.
And as I’m sitting here thinking about food, I cannot even believe I bought a loaf of Sara Lee wheat bread the other day. It’s going to take me months to get through that loaf … even if I do freeze it. And who likes frozen bread??? Not me!!!
I have been craving a really good grilled cheese sandwich but I do not have the heart to waste two pieces of good bread and waste cheese for that matter either if it won’t go down the chute. Thinking about a deluxe burger from Gibby’s Corner Bar [here in Tyndall] … makes me go nuts. I loved them prior to surgery and haven’t had one since. And I know…KNOW…that would be murder to swallow and allow to slither down…
What I may be doing from now on for a while is just sticking to creamed based soups, puddings, protein smoothies, jello, yogurt, popsicles, Yonana’s ice cream… with nothing lumpy involved or something I would need to chew and chew and chew and chew… and chew.
I also need to invest in a decent food processor to puree everything really good.
So you may be asking yourselves??? Gosh, is this really worth it??? Without a doubt, YES! YES! YES! and YES!
I cannot even begin to tell you how this has helped my Type 2 Diabetes. And all the nerve pain I USED to have. From 2008 to June 2012 … it was hell with everything I had experienced. I do not wish diabetes on my worst enemy.
My self-esteem and self-confidence has gone from negative zero zero to 91.43% … almost 100%. Not to mention all the sizes in clothing that I have lost. I have a long ways to go with shedding pounds but I know I am finally doing something just for me and I am doing it the healthy way.
I chose this new life style because I had done all the research on it since 2004. And along the way, I have grown as a human too.
I was very shocked and extremely disappointed that one sibling hasn’t supported me at all. Not even an email on the day of my surgery and nothing since. But another has shown an outpouring of love.
You truly find out who your real friends, real supporters are on something this big too. And this has helped me with my journey too.
It’s surprising really how the human spirit is affected by everything and everyone. I feel very blessed.