Bohemian Burble

= A socially unconventional person.

lu·na·tic: The American Horror Story Kind


american_horror_storyDefinition of LUNATIC


a : affected with lunacy : insane


b : designed for the care of insane persons <lunatic asylum>

: wildly foolish <a lunatic idea>
lunatic noun
After a solid night of sound sleeping, I woke in time to go to my morning appointment with my favorite county nurse. Off to start a great day of relaxing or so I thought. Minutes after saying my farewells to two very positive people…. I ran into a lunatic. Or rather the lunatic ran into me.
There went my somewhat sane of a morning. And several hours after the fact. Did I not just go through an intensely stressful weekend at work? Yes. Did I just not also go through a very stressful weekend before that? Yes, again. So my first day off in what seemed like forever, I just wanted an easy peasy day off with no worries… just go with the flow kind of day. Did that occur? No. No, it did not.
I also thought I would mention this nugget. Just for shits and giggles.
When I am beyond stressed out … I love to stuff my pie hole with all things salty. Salty food items calm me down. Call me wonky but it does. And my mom had just given me an ice bucket full of home-made sliced dill pickles called “fridge pickles.” And perhaps some of you on my general facebook page recall a few weeks ago when I had that walking Charley Horse and blabbed to anyone who would listen, how I had never experienced that before, while actually walking. Some brilliant human suggested I drink pickle juice. I did not have said pickle juice back when this had occurred but last night I had an ice cream bucket of pickle juice in my careless paws.
If there had been a pickle drinking contest to win a million buckeroos last night. I would have won hands down. Even blind folded. With one arm tied behind my back. I would have been the queen of drinking pickle juice. Even the home-made kind.
I also shamelessly ate a lot of other rather salty-non-lap-band-friendly-foods too. Hey, STRESS does this to me. Make bad bad choices regardless if I have an expensive lap band in me or not. You cannot stop STUPID.
This morning, I woke up swollen. Like I gained an alien inside of me. My normally skinny legs were chock full of edema. My face, my hands, my arms, my fingers… my toes….my feet…. basically my entire bodice was blown up with SALTY fluids.
Yes. Really. God awful and gross.
And in 30 minutes upon waking, I sat in my county nurse’s office … to be weighed.
Sweet Mother Mary.
So not good. Not at all.
Reality hit me splat in the face and I instantly got mad at myself for allowing my urges to consume large quantities of salt to take over and not think of the consequences the following morning for my weigh in.
Upon leaving, I vowed I’d get right back on track. I was on my way to do so…. when SPLAT. The lunatic found me. I stopped dead in my tracks. My swollen self barely could move let alone be happy to see the lunatic. And an hour after leaving, I realized you cannot fix stupid. And this time, I was not thinking of myself.
100_0428 Once home, feverishly drew and painted the rest of my “goal list” of getting 100+ paintings finished for the upcoming “Artist in residence” appearance at the State Fair on September 1st …. and I filled up the laundry basket to the left with the various sizes and prices of my whimsical art. Ready to show case and hopefully sell to many happy new customers.
But before this, I GOOGLED how to rid the body of fluids… and found out by drinking some Apple Cider Vinegar and eating celery, tomatoes, onions and plenty of lettuce … those all act as a diuretic and helps flush out the crap I purposely put in me.
I had pretty much everything on the list so off I went chomping on the veggies like a bunny. An did a big shot of the Apple Cider Vinegar too. Yowzers.
Tonight I went for a good walk with one of my favorite friends and that also allowed me to let off steam and the stress just fell off my shoulders. I’ve been urinating like it’s nobody’s business ever since and finally can recognize my skinny fingers again. And my face seems to be shrinking back to normal too…. I’m not sure how the Incredible Hulk felt after shrinking back to his human self but I can some what feel my legs being put back in the right way … And no, I am not saying I am anything like the Green God either. I pray when I wake up tomorrow AM … I will feel like myself again.
Tomorrow’s goodness is I get to see my Hottie Dentist at 10AM. And I plan to steer clear of any lunatics too… even though I do plan on going to WalMart.
Lesson learned: Go for a long walk with a good friend the NEXT time I get overly stressed out and not turn to my old habits of drinking salty pickle anything and stay away from making bad choices.
Goodnight All.

Author: kirtepa

My 8-year quest of being BANDED finally happened on June 27, 2012!!! While it will be nice to shed some pounds, my number one goal is to get HEALTHY ... And to get off ALL my diabetic meds and not have to rely on my CPAP at night and for naps. A few years back I made a decision to only surround myself with positive people and I have never looked back. At times I may be snarky perhaps a little wonky and I will apologize right now if I offend anyone as I blog about my life as I know it. Peace & love to all of my wonderful supporters.

6 thoughts on “lu·na·tic: The American Horror Story Kind

  1. Ha ha ha ha ha ha 🙂 Can’t wait to read it woman!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha

  2. Well, you’ve made me feel a whole lot better about writing the blog I sat down to write: something along the lines of “confessions of a funnel cake.”

  3. Ya gotta try it sistah 🙂

  4. I’m sorry, but I cannot help but laugh at this image I have of you holding a jar up and drinking pickle juice. I’m also a salt stress eater, but pickle juice! 🙂

  5. Good luck on steering clear of lunatics, gonna be difficult at Wal-mart. You are so funny. Glad you got your walk in.

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