Bohemian Burble

= A socially unconventional person.

To Upchuck or Not

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Someone is leaving our area for good and had a freebie lunch for all of us humans today. I had skipped breakfast and I thought I was still in the safe zone. Let’s all laugh together now {{{{ tee hee hee }}}} Deep breath.

Um, yeah, no. I wasn’t safe. Or in any zone whatsoever.

I had already clocked out and went to the room where said free lunch was being served. I took the ginormous spoon to glop a square of lasagna onto my plastic plate. I was expecting a small heap but what appeared on my plate was this mammoth amount of grease and meat and more greasy cheese and not very much noodles. The rest was a blur. I barely sat down at the communal table when I put the first bite down my chute…. I knew I was in trouble.

Lap-band-slimingAnd by trouble, I mean …. SLIMING. See black haired chick to the left. This is not me, however this is what sliming is. It’s when you eat something and almost immediately, it shoots back up like a baby spewing milk curds. If I can get up rapidly I can save myself embarrassment and get rid of this goo of food/spit/wackiness in private. If I am not speedy in rising…. Crikey. It’s not pretty.

For fellow lap banders, you, I am sure, have experienced such weirdness as I have. For you regular folks who have not had the procedure done… Yes, it’s mega gross. But that’s life in the lap band world.

And remember… since August 5th, I have been detoxing and only eating raw foods … (aka a lot of cucumbers) and drinking a detox tea and a butt load of iced green tea and water too.

Today was the first time I purposely put anything greasy with loose meat in my mouth and down my chute.  Another lesson learned. I should have just done my errands like I normally do on my lunch period and eat my cucumbers in the comforts of my own home.

Tonight’s supper was well intended indeed. Another person gave me some squash and more cucumbers from her garden!!! I was telling another cohort how to fix the squash in stir fry… when another told us to put the entire squash in the microwave for 14 minutes. And no, he said, it will not explode. Scoop out the seeds and either eat as is or brown sugar and butter… etc.

I tried said squash in microwave. After 9 minutes I heard a loud pop. I opened up the microwave… it exploded. I cut it open and continued to microwave for a  few more minutes. By the time I had scooped out the seeds, there wasn’t much left to eat. I put a little bit of butter in it…. and made the mistake of shaking some Mrs. Dash’s garlic and herb mix on it too…. Nasty.  But the whole thing didn’t taste well at all. Not one scoop. Yuck.

So I went back to my staples of cucumbers in the mix of milk, plain yogurt and Hidden Valley Ranch mix …..

Ah……Live and learn.


Author: kirtepa

My 8-year quest of being BANDED finally happened on June 27, 2012!!! While it will be nice to shed some pounds, my number one goal is to get HEALTHY ... And to get off ALL my diabetic meds and not have to rely on my CPAP at night and for naps. A few years back I made a decision to only surround myself with positive people and I have never looked back. At times I may be snarky perhaps a little wonky and I will apologize right now if I offend anyone as I blog about my life as I know it. Peace & love to all of my wonderful supporters.

One thought on “To Upchuck or Not

  1. This has never happened to me…yet. Maybe I need to have been filled first?

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